A few years ago, at my lowest low (read more about that here), I decided to follow the trend of seeking out one word from God for the year. I figured I had nothing to lose. In hindsight, I know the word was from God, but in the moment, it was a desperate plea from a place of low self-esteem. I had had enough of myself—my self-doubt, my people-pleasing, my need to be everything to everyone all while neglecting myself. The word I chose was confidence and my goal was to find some! I knew I needed to be more confident in who I was in Christ. After all, that is my inheritance as a believer. The cost was too great for me to continue in my pit of self-deprivation. Jesus literally died so I didn’t have to live like this. I promptly looked up a few verses and this verse in Psalm leapt out at me:
Psalm 57:7 (NLT) My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises.
This was the verse that would guide my year. I spoke it prophetically over my life, even when I didn’t feel it.
Looking back, I cannot even begin to explain the gratitude in my heart to the loving Father who knows all things, who set me on a course of healing with this word and Psalm; “My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises.” How true this is in my life now! I see the transformation in my own heart and I am in awe of how God set me up for success.
As I boast in my God though, you may be wondering what steps I took to find true confidence. Though it is hard to put it into a prescribed step-by-step process, here are four ways I learned to be more confident:
1. Take Your Thoughts Captive
[2 Cor 10:5 NIV] We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
I used to ruminate often. I would be having a great day and then one interaction would send me over the edge and I would not be able to stop thinking about it. I would run over the scenario in my head repeatedly. Did I offend them? Why were they so rude? Was I rude?
The Bible tells us to think on what is lovely and true and pure (Phil. 4:8). We must have the mind of Christ to be able to stop toxic, self-deprecating, and bitter thoughts in their tracks and replace them with what the Word of God says over our lives. For example, if I am tempted to be offended over what someone said to me, I remind myself to think the best of them (1 Cor. 13:7) and see them the way God sees them. If I am tempted to think lowly of myself, I build myself up with what the Word says about who I am in Christ.
Doing this rewires our brain to make new neural pathways. What does that mean? It means as you continue to take your thoughts captive and align them with the Word of God, it will become easier and more automatic for you to think thoughts aligned with what God says about you. As you practice this, you are literally changing your brain to align with the Truth of God’s Word!
2. Focus on Relationship, Not Law
[Mat 6:33 NLT] Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
When I was younger, I was in a cycle of trying so hard to be disciplined in reading the Bible and
praying. I would do well for a few days, maybe even weeks and then I would fall off the wagon for months having felt like a failure. I leaned hard into condemnation, viewing spiritual disciplines as rules and my failure to meet them as an indication of my lack of love and commitment to Christ.
Nowadays, I find I am much more consistent in nurturing Biblical disciplines in my life, not because I figured out the perfect schedule but because I have developed a relationship with God where I don’t have to read the Bible and pray to feel like I checked the box. I want to read the Bible and pray and listen to His voice because I crave intimacy with Him. I think of it like a relationship with a friend, husband, my kids—I don’t have to spend time with them, I want to spend time with them to continue to develop a better relationship with them.
Next time you sit down to read the Bible, think of it as a way to connect with God rather than something to check off your to-do list. Listen for His still small voice as you read and pray. Develop a prayer life throughout the day where you are lifting situations and people up to Him, where you express your gratitude and praise, and where you ask the Holy Spirit what He wants to say to you regarding a specific situation.
If you want to know more about what the Bible says about this John 15 is a great place to start. It speaks about abiding with Christ.
3. Focus on Pleasing God, Not Others
[Rom 2:29 NLT] 29 No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God's Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.
This was huge for me. I know we don’t mean to, but women especially tend to try and make everyone happy to our own detriment. People are incredibly fickle. As much as we try not to offend, people will be offended. Trying to control how every little comment and gesture lands would lead you to insanity. I know because I tried for so long and felt like an utter failure.
Listen, friend, it is imperative that your internal sense of success does not come from the approval of others but from the One who knows all too well what it is like to be misunderstood and even hated. Seeking to please God over men makes much more sense because His Word guides us. It does not change and isn’t fickle. We can rely on it to show us the way and when we fail (which we will), His loving arms are always there to pick us up without condemnation.
4. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone!
[Heb 11:6 NLT] And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone means walking by faith! There is no need to make a big decision that changes the course of your whole entire life (unless the Lord leads). That would be incredibly overwhelming. However, the Bible tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:26) and that without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6). So, if you are looking at your life presently and feeling like you are not fulfilled with where you are at and you don’t see how that will change, you must do something about it! Take a step of faith in the right direction. So how do we do that?
Think about the area that you are most unsatisfied with. Next, figure out where you want to be 1 to 5 years from now. Now, figure out one small step you can take to move you in the right direction. For instance, for me, one of the main areas I wanted to change was that I wanted to be more connected to my church. I still wasn’t feeling super connected by serving in kids’ ministry, so I decided to start inviting women I wanted to get to know more from nursery over for coffee to get to know them better. This in turn had a domino effect to the point that now I am leading small groups for moms. Taking a small step gave me the confidence to then take another step until I saw growth happen as I moved from faith to faith and victory to victory (2 Tim 2:1).
Keep stepping out of your comfort zone, into the things you feel God pulling you to. You don’t have to be 100% sure it is God leading, in fact, there is a very good chance you won’t be 100% sure—that’s where trusting God comes in. Yet, staying stagnant in your faith would be the worst-case scenario, so you must move forward. God will honour your heart of faith.
Love it